What if this is happening FOR me?

I don’t know if you’ve noticed or not, but we humans are seriously weird!  

We do all kinds of mental tricks to fool ourselves into believing things that just aren’t true.  We convince ourselves we’re right when we’re not.  We pretend we are consistent when we’re anything but.

And the weirdest thing about this is that THIS IS NORMAL!  This is what a normal, healthy, human mind does!

But the COOLEST thing is that, if we know how, we can use this weirdness to empower ourselves!

When we recognize our own weirdness… when we notice these mental shenanigans in ourselves… then we can turn our mental weaknesses into super powers.

In the Blissipline Community we explore lots of ways to do this.  One of them is:

HACKING YOUR CONFIRMATION BIAS  

It's worth reading that again:

Confirmation Bias is the mind’s tendency to collect information that supports its beliefs and ignore data that contradicts them.

You have confirmation bias.  I have it.  Everyone has it. 

The problem is, while it’s pretty easy to see it in others, it’s really hard to see it in ourselves.  But I assure you, YOU HAVE IT TOO!  And it’s messing with your life.

This is how confirmation bias messes with you.

Step One - You Develop a Belief of Some Kind

This belief can be about anything, large or small:  These kinds of people are good; these people are bad.  This kind of food is nourishing; this kind of exercise is bad for you.  There are no jobs available in my field.  The color green doesn’t suit me.  I hate the beach.  People can’t be trusted.

(It’s probably worth mentioning that most of our beliefs are unconscious, and research shows they’re often based on things we experienced before we could even talk.  So we can see why we wouldn’t want them running our lives.)

Step Two - The Brain Collects Data that Confirms your Belief

Once you start believing something, there are parts of the brain specifically dedicated to highlighting any data that confirms it.  For example, the Reticular Activating System (RAS) is a bundle of nerves at our brainstem that’s designed to screen out unnecessary information.  Your RAS takes what you focus on, and creates a filter for it, then sifts through the data and present only the pieces that it thinks are important to you.

To understand how this affects us, let’s say for example that you’re looking for a job, and some disappointing things happen, and you start to feel like, “There are no jobs available in my field.”  

Now, anytime you see evidence supporting this, the brain highlights the observation and files it in the “important data” file.  So if someone who is also looking for a job says, “Wow, it’s tough out there,” it confirms your belief, so it’s filed in the important data file.  If you’re looking through job listings and not seeing many opportunities, that scarcity feels true, so it is logged as “important data”.

Step Three - The Brain Rejects Data that Contradicts your Belief

The RAS also filters out what it thinks is useless data, clearing it out of the system so it doesn’t clog up the pipes.  So whenever something doesn’t fit your belief, you likely never even notice it, or if you do it’s dismissed as an anomaly.

So when a news article writes about fields that are experiencing job growth, your eye goes down the list and doesn’t see your field, even though it’s there!  And when you hear about your friend getting hired for a fantastic job, instead of your brain saying, “look, there are great opportunities out there,” it says, “wow, another job that’s not available anymore.”

It’s like a sifting for gold, with a brain that is specifically wired to not recognize gold! 

Step 4 - (And this is where it really messes with you) - Over time, your belief becomes true.

As you collect an ever increasing amount of data supporting your belief, and almost none contradicting it, your belief feels truer than ever, and you begin to act like it’s true.  

And the WORST PART?  Since that amazing job doesn’t fit into your belief system, when you see the ad for it, you don’t even notice it!  You MISS the essential data that could change your life!

And sadly, this often means that your negative belief becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.  Because you unconsciously believe it, your engage in behavior that makes it come true.

BUT THERE IS GOOD NEWS!

The good news is, if you use Confirmation Bias consciously, you can reinforce empowering beliefs, and these too can follow the same four-step process, creating a positive self-fulfilling prophecy.

In other words, if you can come up with a belief that will serve you… then your own confirmation bias will program your brain to sift for the data that will help you.  And now you have wired your brain to notice the gold, even if only the tiniest part of it is shining up through the mud.

TO DO THIS, YOU NEED A BELIEF-CHANGING POWER-TOOL

Sometimes people try and change individual beliefs by figuring out what they believe in a given situation, noticing which beliefs are unhelpful, and coming up with new beliefs that might serve them better.

But remember, a lot of your beliefs are mostly unconscious, so figuring them out isn’t that easy.  And even when you can, given how many beliefs you have, that’s kind of like mowing a lawn with a pair of scissors! 

So to address this, I created a technique to change unhelpful beliefs that works like a power-tool in every situation!  I have used this with countless clients over the years, and I use it myself all the time. 

[Important note:  I’m a science geek, so I enjoy learning about how the brain works, but in the end, what I’m really interested in is how to make it actually work for you.  So I always ask, ‘How can I use this information to improve people’s lives?”  And since I’ve spent the last couple of decades working directly with clients, I get tons of opportunities to try things out and see what really works.  And this hack is a really effective one!]

THE BELIEF THAT WILL CHANGE YOUR LIFE

Here’s my bold promise to you:  If you adopt this belief, and work with it regularly, you will see changes all around you. 

The belief is:  

“This isn’t happening to me, it’s happening for me.”

I know that sounds too simple, and possibly delusional, so I'm not asking you to take my word for it.  Let’s try it out…

Grab a pen, or open a note on your phone or computer, and think of any challenge in your life -- it's a good idea to start with a smallish one -- and write it down.

Now, write down, “This isn’t happening to me; it’s happening for me.”

And now sit for a few minutes, just contemplating that thought, and invite your brain to look for evidence to support this idea.  "Is there any way in which this seems true to me?"

Whatever positive thought your mind comes up with, just jot it down.  

As you invite your brain to consider that this is happening for you, confirmation bias can help bring you the information that will turn this problem into an opportunity.  

Ok, go do that, before you read on.

So, did you do it?

If you didn’t, seriously, stop now and give it a try.  You only really know something is true when you try it yourself.  You’ve got to do it… so that you experience it…  and only then to you really know it for yourself.  

So take a minute to do it real quick.  Go ahead -- take your time!  We’ll wait.

You see, every crisis presents an opportunity.  That’s not just a platitude; it really does!  But it’s up to us what we call it, and that affects how we respond to it.

And sometimes our minds can be very stubborn.  Maybe your brain rebelled when you tried to think “this is happening FOR me.”  Maybe it argued, saying things like, “What a load of BS.  Who is this Mary person anyway?  This is just more of that new age nonsense.”  In fact, maybe your brain didn’t even let you write it down.

If something like that happened, or if this idea feels too impossible to believe, I have a little hack for that too.  You can just add a “what if” at the beginning.

“What if this isn’t happening TO me… but it’s happening FOR me?”

Then, when your brain says, “Don’t be an idiot, this situation sucks!” you can simply say, 

“Yeah, but what if?”

Just that little shift might be enough to get your filters working to collect data about turning this into an opportunity.  

I promise you, if you play around with this idea for a little while, you will start to collect data that supports your success.  Maybe a little here, and a little there at first, but as it shows up and accumulates, your confidence will grow.  

So give yourself the chance to start practicing with this belief.  And if you would like to explore it with a great group of people dedicated to positive change, come and post about it in our Blissipline Facebook group.  

Click here to join us:  www.facebook.com/groups/blissipline

Together, we’ve got this!

To your success, freedom, and joy,

~ Mary